i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
