he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
