take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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