love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
