if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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