i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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