i wish my penis had a tongue
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
