Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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