Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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