Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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