So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
