I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
