The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
