So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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