u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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