good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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