I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
