i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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