my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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