i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
