I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
