I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
