I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
