he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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