Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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