if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
