so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
