Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
