i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
