Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
