I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
