I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
