Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
