Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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