The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
