From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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