marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
