saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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