Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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