i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
