matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
