i just had sex bonerless
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
ttyl tear gas
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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