Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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