Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
