So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
