you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
