I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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