White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
