threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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