Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
