Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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