my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
